Taking a raw flat and converting it into a place you can call home is difficult. But what’s more difficult is getting that flat in the first place. It becomes even more difficult when you have committed a crime – the crime of being a bachelor. After all, bachelors don’t need homes.
Anyway, if you are accused of this crime, then here are a few things you’ll definitely hear from your brokers (yes, plural, because a bachelor can’t find a place with just one broker) when you look to rent a place.
1. Bachelors? Nahi nahi, bachelors society me allowed nahi hai
You’d be telling your brokers your requirements, they would be telling you the available properties. The conversation would be going on smoothly and then would come the question that would change it all – “Flat kiske liye chahiye?” You will give an honest answer – “Apne liye hi chahiye“. “Family hai?” “Nahi, bachelor“. And you wouldn’t even realise it and the line would have already gone blank.
It’s almost like being a bachelor is a crime. You can’t get flats in a society of your choice even when you can comfortably afford it, just because you are a bachelor.
Rant over, next points will be short, I promise.
2. Aapko mai fully-furnished flat dilaunga
And that flat ends up being a pile of the owner’s old and discarded furniture. Semi-furnished flats are mostly just a cupboard and two barely working ceiling fans.
3. Madam kitni khuli hawa aati hai, which is code for the windows don’t shut.
And you know hawa ka kitna issue hota hai. This is well-ventilated.
4. Fifth-floor pe hai without lift, exercise ho jayegi.
5. You might not see it, but it is a sea-facing apartment (queue broker’s smug smile)
And the apartment would be facing the sea TBH, except you can smell the garbage on the beach from your balcony if you can afford that!
6. Ghar thoda ganda hai bas, aapke aane ke pehle poora saaf kara dunga
While the ghar be looking like this –
7. Thodi seelan toh hoti hi hai, mausam badalte hi theek ho jayega
8. Arey ma’am, I’m not going anywhere. Koi problem ho toh mujhe call kar dena
And as soon as the brokerage is paid and they give you the key, it’ll be impossible to get a hold of them.
9. Bachelor needs to give six months’ security amount
Bro, if we had financial security, wouldn’t we be married?
10. It’s a very spacious flat, poore 8×8 ka hai!
11. Whitewash ki toh bilkul jarurat nahi hai, abhi 2 mahine pehle hi karaya tha
While the house be looking like this –
Note: Some of the points in the article might be exaggerated but that’s only because the writer is tired of looking for a flat and the brokers that come with it.
Also Read | Dear Delhi, Why Are You Such An A**hole To Us Bachelors Looking For A Flat? Humne Kya Paap Kiya Tha?
